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Thursday, May 01, 2008
Growing up seems to be such a long process. It seems we are always waiting for the next stage in life, the next step which will surely be more exciting than the last. There is the constant temptation to be looking ahead instead of enjoying today for what it is. And then it is too late; the present has slipped into the past, leaving the future just as unreachable as always. All of the sudden, the future seems only too close. The slow-motion process of growing up has suddenly shifted into fast mode. Then comes the inevitable start to that unavoidable task, the sure sign that "grown up life" is beginning -- the never-ending cycle of Decision Making. Never before has such a daunting task been issued. Deadlines are presented, along with the ever-helpful reminders of calendar pages and ticking clocks. However, in the life of a Christian, before all the stress and anxiety and uncertainty kicks in, there is hope. "The heart of a man plans his way," Proverbs tells us, "but the Lord directs his steps." And, as Psalm 18 so beautifully points out, God's ways are perfect. Another promise we can hold to is that of Romans 8:28 -- "And we know that God works all things together for good, to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." So, even faced with major decisions which hold lasting effects, we can be certain that there is no way in which we can "mess up" God's plan for our lives. The great decision weighing on my mind and heart over the last year has been "Where will I go to university? America or Australia?" It is without question the hardest decision I have ever had to make. Well, I suppose it is the only real decision I have ever had to make. "But how am I to ever decide? How can I possibly know?" The answer to these questions has come, only after a very long, and sometimes painful, journey. And here at the end of it, I am so very thankful for this burden the Lord gave me. All the anguish and turmoil spent does not compare to the joy and treasure in the lessons I have learned. Ever since my two older brothers moved to Lafayette, Indiana to attend Purdue University, I have had an interest in going there, as well. My plans were, in my mind, "interrupted" by our move to Australia to minister in a church. The original two-year assignment to my dad was extended during out first year here, making the length of our stay indefinite. I still had the desire to go to Purdue, and my dad said we would keep praying about it and take one step at a time. Mom encouraged me to keep in mind the promise of Psalm 37:4 -- "Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desire of your heart." The necessary steps were taken -- taking the SAT, applying for Purdue, making sure I was taking the right subjects for my Indiana high school diploma, and much, much more prayer. In a conversation with my brother, Zachary, several months ago, he encouraged me to apply some Biblical principles all through my decision-making process. I wrote down his helpful list and stuck it in my Bible. "Ask him, seek wise counsel, consider what you desire, seek first His Kingdom, act in faith, make wise plans, but don't fear about tomorrow, trust that He is working all things for your good, believe that you won't 'mess up' God's plan for your life, but that He loves you, and He will guide and direct your steps." I sought and received much wise counsel, from my parents, from pastors and elders, from spiritual mentors and older friends, from both those who would be greatly affected by my decision and those who could give more of an "outside view". The Lord blessed me greatly with counsellors. And the Lord began a great work in my heart, a changing of it and of my whole perspective. He helped me find fuller joy and purpose in my ministry here. He gave me a greater vision of His Kingdom and my place in it. Through His grace, I became ready and willing to stay here in Australia, if that was to be His will. I was especially encouraged and challenged by Matthew 6:33 and Acts 20:35. Along with giving me that new mindset and heart attitude, He started opening doors to the path leading to Purdue. He was pleased to grant success through my SAT scores, my acceptance to Purdue, and provision of finances, beyond what I would have imagined. There was still a great struggle in my mind and heart. Those who are closest to me, who observed the battle first-hand, will tell you of my inconsistency, my constant "changing my mind." (Thank you for loving me anyway!) Here are some excerpts from my journal: 11 January -- I'm frustrated with not knowing where God wants me. I still have a great desire to go to Purdue. Should I just wait for Him to take that away? 30 January -- I'm wrestling with God in prayer, asking His wisdom and guidance in the college situation. 22 February -- I've thought of it from 20 different perspectives. Probably more. All I can really do is pray for God's leading. And...be still and know that He is God...and remember, "In darkness, God's truth shines most clear." Above all, I need to keep reminding myself, "God is calling you to serve Him. Location is secondary." 25 March -- It seems an impossible decision...I'm so tired of my lame reasoning and re-reasoning. I'm so tired of being so unsure. I'm so tired of trying to talk about it. But how can I be tired of praying? How can I be tired of waiting on the Lord? How can I be tired of looking for the answer of the One who knows all? I just DON'T know. But God knows. 26 April -- If there is one thing this decision-making process has taught me, it is that I have much to learn. 30 April -- The decision has been made... I've been allowed the privilege to live and love in two countries, to experience the joy and pain of having two homes and living somewhere in the middle. I would never really wish that away, tragic as it may seem at times. So, after careful prayerful evaluation and encouragement from elders and parents, I have made a decision. If the Lord is willing, I will go to Purdue this coming school year. I have a great desire to be in Australia and continue in the ministry, but I think God is giving me this opportunity to go to the States, and this seems to be the best time to do it. I hope to return to Australia next June, at least for a visit, and probably for the rest of university. Thank you so very much for your prayers. To know that so many people interceding for me was a huge comfort and joy help to me. Please keep praying with and for me. This will be my first time living away from home, with no opportunity to return for several months. Pray that God would teach me much. Pray that He would fill my loneliness. Pray that I would adjust well and that God would continue to be at work in all the details. Pray for my family here and for God's continued blessing on the ministry here. I think I feel a little like Hudson Taylor did when he made his decision to go to China. In a letter to his mother, he said, "If I do not know the intensity of a mother's love, I feel so much the strength of a son's love, a brother's love, of love to friends and brethren in the Lord, that the thought of leaving all seems like tearing away a part of one's very self. But, praise God, I know something of a Saviour's love, though but a little as yet." Charity | 11:34 pm Comments-[ comments.] |
My life is not my own, for I belong to Christ.